Saturday, April 12, 2008

What We're Reading - Alcatraz versus the evil Librarians

This is a warning and a public service announcement to all readers.

Do not read Alcatraz versus the evil Librarians by Brandon Sanderson. Mr. Sanderson is attempting to corrupt young children, especially 4th and 5th graders, into believing that his book is a "biography" and features the real life adventures of young Alcatraz Smedry who upon his 13th birthday he receives a bag of sand and discovers his heritage, as an "Free Lander" and "Oculator" and attempts to recover the bag of sand when stolen. [c'mon now a valuable bag of sand? preposterous!] And who steals this bag of sand you ask? why us "Evil Librarians" who rule the world by controlling information. Don't you know that our job is facilitate your access to "good and quality" information and this story is no such thing! Sanderson masks his so called "true" story through outrageous action, humor [he even tries to make believe that Alcatraz has a special "talent" to break things on command...around here that is called being irresponsible and klutzy!] and flat out fun while attempting to convince you that you are "Hushlanders" that all of us Librarians are Evil and that we are the power that dominates the world.
This is TOTAL HOGWASH! I REPEAT THIS IS HOGWASH!

The Burbank Public Library did not waste public monies on this book and we would permanently remove this book from the shelves, except, truth be told that somehow it always strangely reappears whenever removed, so I am left with no other option than to state in the strongest terms possible that all of your Burbank Librarians are not "Evil", we do not belong to a secret network that rules the world. You can read this book if you like and draw your own conclusions, but don't expect to enjoy it and do not under any circumstances look forward to future titles continuing Alcatraz's battles against the "Evil Librarians." And I am not responsible if you visit the author's website by clicking here, you have been warned!

I doubt that the author [he's an insult to every other writer alive or dead] will convince you but if you read this embarrassment of a book, and so choose to believe that I, amongst others at the Burbank Public Library are "Evil", then I would make sure to return the book on time, best play it safe, right? I must admit that the idea of "Librarian dungeons" does have a certain charm.

10 comments:

Erin said...

For valuable sand, see Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time. I'm a spaz at most video games, though, so I gave up. I guess the world is safe once again.

Nate said...

The books that are being written these days are ridiculous. What happened to kids reading the classics?

Anonymous said...

Hey Brandon Sanderson wrote a good book here don't listen to the Librarians! There all Evil.

Anonymous said...

This must have been posted by a librarian who is trying to stop people from reading the book.

Alcatraz warned us they where gonna try this.

'guess this means he was right
-neonarg

Duedsml said...

Dispite my severe warning, all copies owned are currently checked out and are being read. I also must report that a 2nd Alcatraz Smedry book is set to be published this fall and a 3rd title is being written. When will the lies end? Why do people have such disregard for their safety and well-being?

Anonymous said...

I actually suggested that we recommend this book to be nominated by our school librarian for a NCLA youth choice book recently. It missed the cut off date. They were looking for something newer.
Not Sanderson's best work, but I felt it would be fun to nominate it for an award, since the book states that it will never win awards.

alanajoli said...

As a part time librarian without an M.L.S., I expressed concern to my coworkers about this book. They assured me that it was indeed fictional and that I should not recommend it, and I am, of course, taking them at their word.

Duedsml said...

Tell me the truth, how many of you are Smedry's out there, keeping this discussion alive, posting comments supporting Sanderson's horrible accusations that all of us Librarians are "Evil"? You cannot hide forever, we will find you and charge you overdue fines!

Lucas Anderson said...

We'd best be careful, fellow librarians...Mr. Sanderson has linked to this blog from his blog. He's on to us being on to him being on to us.

The Library Moose said...

I too have read this terrifying and true tale and I should know because I live among these Librarians.

http://librarymoose.blogspot.com/2008/04/be-careful-beware-evil-librarians.html

Alcatraz Smedry and Brandon Sanderson are brave people for shining a light upon these "Evil Librarians". A Pulitzer and Nobel Prize for each of them!